LETTER FROM CAMP SNARKY GLOB
Dear Mama Jen,
How are you? I am fine. The weather has been good. My lower-bunk roommate has cooties and she snores.
No $h poop!
That is not why I’m writing. I’m writing because I need money miss you.
And, I need money.
On my first outing at Camp Snarky Glob, That Gloria Person (code name GLOP) got us in trouble.
Dudes who trap wildlife do not like it when a car stops behind their parked truck that has its frigging back-up lights on(!).
They lower the truck window with caution when the driver of the car blocking escape jumps out of her car and runs to the driver’s door, shaking her iPhone and me.
Whodathunkit, right?
We can come out of hiding when we make a public apology to the really hot dude who traps beavers for a living.
This was supposed to happen today.
But, GLOP got all a-twitter about something you were gonna say and she put it off!
She has pictures. Send money help!
I am in hiding. THE DUDE WHO TRAPS BEAVERS IS HOWLING FOR HIS PUBLIC APOLOGY. <=== Desperate shouty capitals.
What did you do to stop that, Mama Jen?
What could be more important that my freedom, self-esteem, and will to clang?
More Cowbell
We Drove Off Topic and Onto the Porcelain Pot
Hi! GLOP here.
Last week, I was all full of poop myself, glee-riddled that I had a glob post ready for today.
I tweeted MORE COWBELL’s Mama (@JennyHansenCA) calling DIBS on the PooPourri commercial for a future post.
What’s not to love about a commercial titled GIRLS DON’T POOP (with actor Bethany Woodruff)?
What’s not to love about a product that guarantees small children won’t enter the Loo and comment “Ew! Someone just pooped!”
[And, all one can do is sit quietly, hoping they won’t see my One’s feet.]
What’s not to love about the fabulously funny PooPourri commercial?
Nothing. That’s what’s wrong with it.
Nothing.
And, that is the reason Jenny Hansen, The Queen of Potty Humor got to it first.
[To see the video More Cowbell featured yesterday, click the Linky-Love <==== here!]
[Erm. I was reminded yesterday by my bestie, Sherry Isaac — of Psychological Sizzle fame, that she called DIBS on this commercial months ago. DIBS has little value in the cutthroat world of blogging.]
The Poop Support Shopping Spree
Jenny posts about whack-a-doodle topics and products.
I purchase those products.
This time was no different.
Except, it was.
Because, I had MORE COWBELL with me when I went shopping.
And, I didn’t have to lurk in The Amazon to find the product. I didn’t have to wait for discreetly packaged deliveries via UPS or FEDEX.
BONUS! This whack-a-doodle product really works!
[Do not ask me how I know. Trust me on this one.]
I found PooPourri at my drug dealer’s digs..
Roanoke Pharmacy.
More Cowbell and I go everywhere together.
[You have No idea.]
She? He? I’m going with She.
[Despite hangy-down clangor evidence to the contrary.]
More Cowbell has boundaries. I’m not allowed to peek.
BACK IN THE BAG
TP CORRAL
We made our purchases, and then took a dump PooPourri trial run in the Roanoke Pharmacy Loo.
More Cowbell was polite and waited her turn in the TP corral.
.
Let the Lurking Begin
The Day of The PooPourri blog post on More Cowbell turned into a day of blog jacking.
I had the product! I wanted to post about the product. Alas and alack [forsooth], Jenny got to the commercial first.
I had no video.
*Sigh*
The best I could do, was reblog Jenny’s post and lurk in comments. Lurking in comments turned into a blessing yesterday.
WritePlaceRightTime commented on a follow-up video produced by PooPourri.
This one covers The History of PooPourri.
If my history teacher had been half as entertaining as the producers of this video, I would not suffer from Residual Chalkboard Eraser Fly-By Syndrome.
Grab some TP, and enjoy the crap out of this history lesson.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZf5rPkZr3M
OKAY, SO!
I HOWLED over the (supposed) ideas for product names:
- Crack Attack
- Sweet Toot
- Plumper Dumper
Had I been on the Poop Scoop committee, I might have suggested:
- Da Bomb Shelter
- Sunk the Skunk
- Sink the Stink
- Flush the Blush
I’m shocked PooPourri hasn’t yet found me on LinkedIn.
Or, not.
Courtesy Flush…seriously?
Jenny sent me Tweety Bird Intel yesterday on another YouTube video. This one was a consumer report extolling the benefits of PooPourri.
It was posted by a young woman about to go on vacation with her boyfriend. She was thrilled about a product designed to make romping and pooping together a pleasant experience.
I’m not posting the link here because I already have one video. [You can snoop through the @gloriawrites or @jennyhansenCA Twitter threads for the link if you’re so inclined.]
There was one bit in this product endorsement that braided my nose hairs.
The producer cautioned that she had not yet tested the long-term benefit of PooPourri.
That is to say, she had not yet left a commode with both PooPourri and her ‘business’ in there for an extended period of time. She could not confirm it masked odors for the long and the short float.
She felt it was, after all, polite to do a ‘courtesy flush’ when using a commode accessible to others.
Courtesy flush? Really? And, the alternative would be…
I’m sorry. Is there a Green Earth save-the-water campaign I’m missing?
True Campaign Missed Opportunities
Time spent noodling around with the blog. Traveling with More Cowbell. Watching the PooPourri commercials umpty-ump times. Those three sentence fragments led to a pocket I have to pick with PooPourri.
Poop teams! You may not be aware. You may not even care.
There are other people capable of being the face of PooPourri.
We have pearls.
We have More Cowbell.
We have both sizes!
We have a handy plumber’s helper for poop problems other than odor.
We obviously have time for nonsense.
Have your peeps call my peeps.
I’ll keep my yogurt and my phone ready.
Wrap Up!
There you have it. MY comeback-kid post on PooPourri. Have you tried this product? Do you have any names you’d like to offer as alternatives to PooPourri? Am I missing something in terms of courtesy flush? [Sorry. I can’t flush that mental image.]
Plop turds words of wisdom in comments, so I have something to play with today. This post will be here all week. And [feeling the glee again!] we get to apologize to Nuisance Animal Control Dude next week in More Cowbell Chronicles.
Gloria Richard 
Ohmigod, that picture of you at the bottom!!! LOVE IT! Almost as much as I love your alternate name for Poo-Pourri. Da Bomb Shelter? Sink the Stink??
This is all just STELLAR. You’re doing the Cowbell proud… (IYKWIM)
SKA-WEET, Jenny! So glad you approve.
It makes it easier to justify keeping More Cowbell for as long as it takes to get through my pending blog topics. All these before we schlepp it over to Billy Bobs.
This More Cowbell beats the crap out of anything I might think up on my own.
Nanner, Nanner on the picture. See Phil’s comment below.
Married to the man who, should he ever have a cooking show, could aptly name it, ‘Cooking with Gas’, I approve of this message.
Sink the Stink? Flush the Blush?
Hysterical.
“Cooking with Gas…” Heh.
You’re temporarily confined to small spaces during the winter months in the Great White North while your new home is built? Confined with the man who could host ‘Cooking with Gas’?
Please let me know hat size. I’ll need it for the gas mask I hope to purchase you for Christmas.
Thank you for your approval. Phew! I feared snapping up your DIBS would end a long and extremely fun friendship.
Save your cash on the gas mask and just get her some Poo-Tonium spray. 😀
There’s the ticket.
It’s a manly-man kind of name. He might even use it. They’re sold out now, but I shall persevere.
I’m partial to sunk the skunk. That’s a stinking success story and the way they marketed the line up… priceless!!
“That’s a stinking success story…”
KA-SNORT, Carole!
You dodged a bullet by-the-way. No. Not the ker-plunk, splash-down variety. I told Sherry I wanted to call to interview you, since you have this product.
Oh! Oh! You also mentioned your hubby wasn’t taking your hints about using Poo-Pourri.
They have a new line out that might appeal to him. Poo-Tonium. There’s the ticket.
Jenny Hansen reminded me in her comment (above) about Sherry’s issue with her ‘cooking with gas’ potential Food Network star.
Holy Crap! (literally!)
That picture of you on the crapper just became my computer wallpaper. I’ll have to take down Jenny’s wallpaper pic now.
I think I really need to hang out and get drunk with you ladies one day. It would be craptacular!
HOWLING, filbio! I can see me with Plunger and Poo-pourri gracing your computer screen. NOT!
Yes, you do need to hang out with us. It would be an epic craptacular time.
Jenny? When do Nationals next go to New York City?
Phil, with your culinary tastes, you have to have the crappers rated. I only settle for 5 star stalls. Just so you know…
Never know what’s gonna’ happen when the
lights go outstall door closes.I promise I’ll bring some of the manly-man variety for you.
He’s taking me down?? I didn’t even know he had me up! (IYKWIM) *clutches sides laughing at our silliness*
RWA National – future sites:
July 23–26, 2014
San Antonio Marriott Rivercenter & Marriott Riverwalk
July 22–25, 2015
New York Marriott Marquis
July 13–16, 2016
San Diego Marriott Hotel and Marina
July heat. July humidity. San Antonio. Blech!
I’ll be there, but…
Blech.
That leaves Phil 632 days to compile his Five Star Potty Stall tour for us.
Should we contact RWA Nationals in re: making that an official social event?
Which there will you be??
I’m saying my rosaries (isn’t that a lark) that I can rejoin, regroup my little gray cells and be in New York in 2015. After all … she’s my baby and I should rock that week !!
I will be in San Antonio. I can not miss New York. I need to be with the Southern Cal Gals when Nationals hit San Diego.
So, in answer to your question on which “there?” The answer is: yes, Yes, YES!
You had better get those beads and brain cells together, Florence. I’m counting on you to show me some sites.
You mean Flash Mobs outside the Five Star Potties??
Oh, hell. Why not? We’ll be pros at Flash Mobs by then.
Beginning with Dance Like a Peanuts Character…including the Southern California mob scene. I’ve got one going in Dallas now…two whole volunteers (including me).
You? Do I need to put Tameri in charge of this gig?
I came across these ads accidentally one day and without telling either of you, knew that you and jenny would find it on your own. 🙂 Thanks for the laughs.
Are you, by any chance suggesting that bringing these ads to our attention would be comparable to mainlining sugar to a two-year-old?
*Gasp!*
Busted! We are so busted!
Oh, this is soooo good! I forwarded the video to my 19 year old son and he’s going to love it. Don’t worry, I didn’t forward the awesome pic of you on the throne! We call it “Mercy-flush” around here. 🙂
I have no
couthshame about being silly in public. I’m sure your 19 YO will be glad you spared his young eyes. The videos, on the other hand…I howled when I saw them. Those folks have some serious marketing mojo going for them.
Looped over to your blog about your vacation. LOVED the pics. All but that OWIE toe. I can not believe no one would Quack with you.
It’s official now, Gloria. You are cracked down the middle and I’m not sure which half makes me happier or causes more laughing gas attacks. Speaking of laughing gas, if you can trap it in a canister and covert the chemical make-up you can turn on the gas and make millions hysterical with laughter !!
We’ve been following each for how long now, Florence?
And, you’re just now deducing I’m cracked down the middle?
Girlfriend. You evidently weren’t paying attention.
As for the laughing gas? My dentist won’t let me experience that, because (1) I’m not afraid of him and have a high pain tolerance, and (2) misbehave without the gas. I think he fears what I might do under the influence.
With good reason.
I fear that, too. I’d need to take a personal assistant with masking tape for my mouth.
I love that you get silly! That’s what it’s all about. 🙂 Thanks for following me on Twitter as I learn how it works. Can you believe the nipple grabber at the restaurant in San Francisco?
I know! I’d say ‘only in San Francisco’, but that suggests this happens all the time. I’ll settle for ‘only in a bar
in San Francisco. Do you think they were swingers looking for some action? Testing the erogenous zones?Yeah. I know. Farfetched. Blame my brain. I have no control over the naughty paths it travels.
Help me off the floor please … gasping for breath … you and JennyH are always a seriously dangerous combo, but scrolling down to that last photo of you … shiiiiiit (might be an appropriate choice of words) … once again you are Da Bomb … no air freshener needed!
Giggling whilst sitting alone on the back patio might be considered odd behavior to some.
What I love about you? You totally get me, Patricia. That is why I am giggling whilst sitting alone on the back patio.
Hope you’ve recovered from your Tour de France jet lag. Did that hurricane hit any areas you visited?
This was a real sh**y post. Pun intended. 🙂 I can’t help naming products. I’m having difficulty finding names for my writing.
Well, you have NO problem putting stellar poems and stories out there for all to enjoy, Silently Heard Once. LOVE your blog, and thanks for the visit.
this is what’s great about nominated blogs and link-ups and all that blog sharing goodness (found you on the regular guy’s sunshine award post)…you find amazing blogs that you simply MUST have in your life! You are my kinda people! If you only knew….
Hysterical post!!
I be-bopped over to your blog and followed you right back.
That Lucy/Desi role reversal story is stellar. KA-SNORT! Even though I knew where the DIY project would end, the fun was in reading the journey.
I knew we were kindred spirits the second you described yourself as “Lucy.” We have the same dynamics in our house. Yes. He screws up. BIG TIME! My problem? He has selective memory. I screw up so often between his major blunders, I don’t get to play the Desi hand.
I have a keepsake dish towel that reads, “I love my imaginary world. People understand me here.” You might think about getting one for yourself. 😉
haha! I love that saying. Yeah, I so need that….
Hi there Gloria
Read your comment over on my blog and it immediately brought a smile to my face – yeah we gonna get on just fine. Love your blog.
SKA-WEET! Thanks for the visit. I linked back to your blog to see what
nonsenseliterary genius I deployed in comments. Happened across another post from way back in September.The Hand Job versus Blow Job post. I plan to
stealpay tribute to your blog title with the sincerest form of compliment once of these days.OMG this is so hilarious. I love your ideas for alternative names. I’ve been giggling over it all day.
So! Tami? I see PooPourri name alternatives didn’t yet make it to your Wednesday [Only not, because it’s Thursday…which I love, btw…] Would You Rather hit list.
Be-bopping over to see what
damagebelief-altering wisdom I can *dump* in your comments.*Word choice intentional, but I’ll try not to make you wish you’d sprayed PooPourri on your computer screen before you read my comment. 😉
Oh! Just so you know…
The reason I love the Wednesday [Only not…] about you? Yes! You’re not stuck in a rut of perfection. For
some odda plethora of reasons, I embrace that concept.Gloria, my dear Gloria, Oh how I’ve missed the snark and the wonderfully naughty muse that inspires your writing.
Two things about this post stopped me dead in my testosterone-driven tracks – beaver trapper and your fantastic ideas for alternate PooPourri names.
I am a semi-professional Beaver Conservationist. Trapping Beavers is such an offensive thing to me. 😉 Well, I take that back. Every once in a while you run across (not over) a Beaver that is in such bad shape that the poor thing really should be put down.
For the most part I believe that Beavers should be allowed to roam free, indugle themselves in whatever manner a Beaver sees fit, swim, build dams, fetch WOOD. You know, whatever gets their tails a-flappin. 😉
The names, oh the names. It’s tough to try and add more names to the already amazing list of names. I did think of a few however…..
Better than Bean-O Smeller Queller
Fabulous Fecal Fetor Fighter
Malodorous Feculence Mask
Anti Defamation Proclomation
and finally, something less less grandiloquent and pretentious,
“Where’s the shit?”
(this last one can be marketed by the little old lady from the Wendy’s commercials)
G-man! It is wonderful to have you back in Blog Comment Land.
You know that I know your comments have Double Entendre naughty-
wood-word-play potential.Others might think you’re a tree-hugging conservationist. I know you’d only hug a tree if you had some beaver fluff between you and that bark.
LOVIN your alternate names for PooPourri.
I’d search for the little old lady from the Wendy’s commercial, but I suspect that’s one of the beavers you’ve run across (not over) that is …in such bad shape…the poor thing really should be put down…. Might make the casting call a bit
risquérisky, but I know you’re up for the challenge. IYKWIM. 😉Do not stay away so long ever again. You’re missed.
😀 I like word-play.
It seems like I’m always up for challenge. OHINWYM
I will do my best to keep a little more proximity!
I missed you too
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