Many bloggers find inspiration in sunrises, in songs, in paintings, in the shower, in their dreams.
Ah.
In your dreams.
A phrase I’ve heard.
Often.
When I say things like, “Tom Selleck will one day ask for my autograph.”
But, I blather aimlessly digress. Back on topic: Inspiration!
I suppose I should tie the topic title to Inspiration.
Reader alert: I recently met a fun and lovely woman. Our conversation logically followed a path from a two-story Costco in Dallas to her husband’s inability to handle any topic involving panties—what he calls “unmentionables.” This revelation led to two epiphanies.
- Some may not share my glee with the image I am about to post, and
- Brain filters do have a function—especially since I was on Holy Roller (breakfast burrito rolling) duty in the church kitchen when I thought, “Then, how did you get into her unmentionables?”
If your sensibilities match those of my new friend’s husband, you may want to scroll past the image.
This concludes the reader alert. You have been warned.
So, where do I find inspiration for some of my blog articles?
I used to call it the library.
Now, I call it The Loo. Those Brits have a way with words.
Use your imagination and take Ken out of this scene. I’ll wait.
Not that you need to know or I need to disclose, but…
My marriage will never ever reach this level of intimacy.
I owe thanks to some on-line buddies who found and shared this photo via Facebook. If I get their permission, I will update with their names and Facebook Links. They may practice more discretion than I.
Voracious readers are known to read everywhere. We have the ingredients in shampoo memorized, the nutrition facts about our favorite cereals seared in our brains, and—in my case—books with random facts stashed in the Loo.
With little else to read but the care instructions on my *unmentionables* [gentle cycle, low heat], Reader’s Digest has become a great source of inspiration.
I owe the Inspiration! for this post to a tiny column hidden in the humor pages. There is a website where users post imaginary letters about…
Well, just about anything. Including letters closely marginally in my wildest imagination associated to my writing world.
To demonstrate:
RESEARCH
Everyone has to research something at some point. Historical, geographical, nonsensical. I found this Letter on toblankpleaseblank.
Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
Sincerely, Google
As a faithful Yahoo user, I had to craft a response.
Dear Gmail,
You are such a . First, Google sounds .
Yahoo! sounds like a waiting to happen. Our users us.
NOT! Yahoo! mail Emoticon Guys
p.s. Sometimes we crack ourselves up.
There. That takes care of the research aspect. Now, we’re on to…
THE BOOK BLURB
Here’s one, cleverly disguised as a letter to the author’s sister.
Dear Sister,
By the time you read this I’ll be dead. This is how I think it’s gonna happen: Dave will shoot me, then I’ll shoot Dave, then Eric will enter and get shot by Dave. Then you’ll come in and get shot by Eric, Dave, and I multiple times.
Sincerely, Your brother Keith
p.s. Then two cops will read this letter and shoot each other.
I am not going to admit writing a book blurb is torture defined. Why? Because I don’t want to.
It is not difficult to compress my thoughts into a cohesive unit of twenty-five words or less.
Okay, so I’m a bit yappy verbose. Shoot me.
I can do it when I have to. In twenty-five words or less…
Dear Agent
My novel is about a wonky female con artist who inherits a lodge in the mountains and has to move back when she gets fired for crotch-crunching a high-roller. PLUS! There is a heat-packing male who…
Um. Just read the synopsis. Okay?
Gloria
p.s. If you don’t like my blurb, do you—by chance—have a sister who is an agent?
STAY FOCUSED
This last letter sent me to the publish button for this blog.
Here’s the parting shot PUBLISH ALREADY! letter I found at that place.
Dear person reading this,
You’re here because you’re actively procrastinating or avoiding real work, aren’t you? It’s OK…me too.
Sincerely, I’ll work tomorrow
No. We’ll work today. After we read your comments with lovely letter and inspirational suggestions.
I’ll be back to add links. While I’m gone, leave a sample letter in comments. Tell what you’d be tempted to write and to whom, toss a clue on where you find inspiration, or share additional URL links for LOO humor.
[Unless you officially call dibs, I’ll steal borrow them for future posts.]
Here’s an image lifted from Sherry Isaac’s comments. I love this one, so I pulled it from the depths of comments to post here. You can also find it at Sherry Isaac Storyteller, her Facebook Author page. If you haven’t yet officially LIKED her over there, you’re missing out on one likeable character. Thank you, Sherry, for…
Sherry Isaac said:
Gloria,
Being not so clever as you, in the loo or elsewhere, I must instead reference a letter from Snoopy, written atop his doghouse, which I found on Facebook this week, and was so moved by the sentiment contained therein that I immediately shared it on my timeline. http://www.facebook.com/sherryisaacauthor. Depending on when you read this comment, should you choose to seek out the cartoon clip, you may have to scroll for a wee bit.
Snoopy writes:
Gentlemen,
Regarding the recent rejection slip you sent me. I think there might have been a misunderstanding.
What I really wanted was for you to publish my story, and send me fifty thousand dollars.
Gloria Richard Author said:
I loved that cartoon, Sherry. I loved it so much, I lifted it into the post and linked to your Facebook site.
You know what might be fun? Take a rejection letter–preferably from an agent you don’t plan to query again–and shoot them that letter in response.
ERK! It’s a closely knit community, isn’t it?
Never mind….
Carole St-Laurent said:
Dear Gloria,
I tried the directions you sent me to join you in your world. The zip code must have been wrong. I ended up with Barbie and Ken, and boy, she’s smelly. My problem now is, I’m stuck. It’s a tiny place here and I can’t go back.
I’d love to join you at Starbuck. The loo is so much more spacious there.
Love always,
Carole, Barbie and Ken
Gloria Richard Author said:
Dear Carole,
I have to keep moving to a new zip code for reasons I can only share with the eff bee eye (secret code for an alphabet soup agency within the U.S. government).
I am currently in a nit-ness protection program, and will contact you as soon as it’s safe to do so.
In the meantime, I’ve sent Molly and Sydney on a rescue mission. Molly carries air freshener. Sydney has the pepper spray for Ken.
John wonders if you’d whip some eggs into sweet submission and return them encased in banana and strawberry crepes. I’m certain Molly and Sydney won’t consume them en route home.
Sincerely,
Gloria (alias Bertha Higgenbotham)
Brinda Berry said:
Dear Glo,
My brain is slowly turning to mush from demanding constant inspiration and epiphanies. Send help.
Brinda (not in the loo, but at work reading this blog during a break)
Gloria Richard Author said:
Dear Brin,
Deepest condolences on your mush brain crisis. I empathize. Truly.
As for Epiphany Deprivation Syndrome, I recommend a Code 1311. From Weisner’s First Draft in Thirty Days, tips for getting past writer’s block on page 13, item 11: Take a nap.
Epiphany Deprivation Syndrome and Writer’s Block are nearly identical maladies.
Please pay the receptionist on your way out.
Sincerely,
Dr. Know-it-Not
ramblingsfromtheleft said:
So much to say. So little time. My father-in-law once told me that the honeymoon is over when a woman is brushing her teeth and her husband sits down to take a c%%p … what an articlate guy he was.
No clever letters; not even Snoopy can help me. What I might do is add one more item to “how to find an agent?”
Read them the first fifty pages of your great novel while they are trapped in the loo.
Gloria Richard Author said:
Dear Florence,
Thank you so much for your helpful suggestion for nailing an agent.
Unfortunately, I took your advice literally and now find myself in a holding cell developing character charts for my next suspense novel.
Who knew an agent would be so testy about having the door to her stall crazy-glued and the toes of her new shoes nailed to the floor? Who buys something called man-oh-no shoes, anyway?
Please don’t delay. The bail bondsman is nicer than he appears to be, but he’s getting impatient. He knows where you live. Sorry.
Blabber Barbie
ramblingsfromtheleft said:
Ah, the joys of a cracked mind trapped behind bars. I have heard that there are some really good opps to write from the peace and quiet of a prison cell. It could be a major best seller … vampires attack Attica !! Tell the bail bondsman to suck it up. I live on a fixed income, otherwise known as “how much do you want for that lousy egg mc muffin?”
Enough, I procrastinate. My murdering thieves await me 🙂
Hildie McQueen said:
I am not sure I understand, do you seek inspiration from the loo or does it just happen upon flushing?? LOL
Gloria Richard Author said:
Dearest Hildie,
Clearly you do not keep inspirational reading material in your Library Loo. Perhaps you have too many bottles of shampoo and lotions you haven’t yet memorized?
To clarify the proper order of Loo epiphanies: (1) Place all bottles, except champagne, on the other side of the room, (2) keep magazines within reach, (3) read until you find something interesting or wonky, (4) flush, (5) Google the interesting tidbit while the idea is still fresh.
Good luck!
Gloria-I-Never-Claimed-to-be-Heloise Richard
Nigel Blackwell said:
The loo? Ah, those witty Brits, what a contribution to society. All sorts of puns come to mind, but I’m just going to say that the Peanuts cartoon is probably the best Peanuts ever.
Cheers!
Gloria Richard Author said:
Dear Nigel,
It
sucksdisappoints me that you didn’t take the opportunity to share even one of the puns knocking around in your noggin.Trust me. No one gets their knickers in a knot or creates a kerfuffle when off coloUr humoUr of the pun variety takes a stroll on my site.
Just don’t drop the canoodling bomb and we’re cool.
Cheerios!
gLOOria
Ciara Knight said:
I nearly spit my coffee when I saw the picture of Relationship Barbie. LOL
Cara Olsen said:
Oh, my!
I ’bout died when I came to Barbie, uh . . . relieving herself in the nude. All the while, dear Ken is just minding his own business, pretending not to suffocate in the stench of human (plastic) carrion. I am afraid to admit, or maybe I should say proud to admit, this looks pretty normal to me. LOL! I was raised in a VERY open household and it carried over into my marriage. My husband, however, was not, and demands that I not only leave the “loo” when he has business to attend to, but that I turn on the television or music. Ha! Me? I could host a talk-show from the throne. 🙂
Wasn’t it just yesterday you mentioned my quixotic word-book, and I replied that it is “Such a fantastic toilet-book”? I think this is a sign that you must order it today.
Love to you, Holy Roller!
Marcy Kennedy said:
I’m a GMail user, but I have to say that I absolutely LOVE your letter about why Yahoo rocks 🙂
Marianne said:
I picked a floor plan for a house so that one cannot look into the bathroom from the master bedroom. I’m hoping to bring some of the romance back in… And to have more alone time for inspiration.
Gloria Richard Author said:
Excellent decision on your floor plan, Marianne. Nothing kills the glee of inspirational reading like an intrusive onlooker. I would find it especially troubling those times I break into spontaneous laughter, b/c I know my husband. He would want to the details. What? What’s so funny?
But, as I said, I can state categorically that our relationship will never reach Long Term Relationship Barbie level.