EDITORIAL NOTE: We are not responsible. Yes. That’s a complete sentence.
EDITED EDITORIAL NOTE: The random travel posts from the owner of this Glob (aka moi) come to you as they move from my brain to the keyboard. I do not now nor will I ever claim to be an organized person. To clarify, [Phew! Right?] my travel journal posts will not post in exact chronological any modicum of order.
DAY WHATEVER
Picture this: I am an innocent neophyte.
[Yes, I know it’s difficult, but it’s my imaginary world. Deal with it.]
Whoop! Where are my manners?
Please and Thank-you.
On with the tales.
Carole St-Laurent and I spent a lovely week at Sherry Isaac’s home near Toronto. During the course of that week, a topic logically surfaced that induced a scene reminiscent of one from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
The set up: Dressed for a day wandering the shops, I was concerned about my unmentionables. (I’ll call them panties, so as not to offend. Oh, all right. Knickers, then.) The skirt I wore was white. My knickers? Flesh tone.
Concerned my knickers showed through the skirt, I queried Carole, pulling the skirt tight against my derriere. “Well, yes. When you hold them like that, I can see them,” says Carole.
ERK!
“You could wear a thong,” she says.
DOUBLE ERK!
Here’s where My Big Fat Greek Wedding comes to mind. In the scene where Aunt Voula (of dead-twin-in-the-neck-bump fame) learns Ian is a vegetarian, she says, “What you mean you don’t eat no meat?” After which she says, “Ees okay. I make lamb.”
Carole: “What you mean you don’t own no thongs? Ees okay. We help you buy them.” (In truth, Carole speaks impeccable English even though her native language is French (Canadian). I took poetic license to make my point.)
Sherry pipes in with a warning that I should avoid the ones with lace in the thong thingie.
Curiosity compelled me to ask what it was like. Did it take a long time to get used to having a slip of fabric — you know — there?
FLASH SIDEWAYS: Carole recently invested in new make-up. Apparently, she thought I was asking about that when I asked if it would take long to get used to wearing one.
“Only when I do my hair,” she says.
I raised my arms, trying to determine why doing my hair would have an impact on a slip of fabric — you know — there. Fortunately, I have no shame, so I asked and received clarification.
Had I not, I would remain among the thong-less to this day.
SO! Too late for long story short, but…
I purchased my first pair of thongs while in Canada — under the helpful tutelage of Carole St-Laurent.
But, I was not the first one to wear those thongs.
FLASH BACK AND FORWARD
As regular followers know, Sherry and I each have writing mascots. Hers is a little pig named Shnorty.
Mine? A monkey dubbed Won-Key.
If you look closely at the picture, you’ll see a rather long version of Sherry’s Shnorty at the PJ party they had on my bed last night.
Both Won-Key and Shnorty sit atop the long pig’s body. His feet extend beyond that.
FLASH BACK
Anything pig related must, by tradition, begin with the “sh” sound.
Sherry recalls (and will be appalled by public disclosure) the morning I posed a question to her on chat. I needed a name for the long Pig. An SH alliterative name.
My chat question to Sherry?
What’s the proper spelling? Schlong or Shlong? And, does it mean what I think it means?
PRESENT DAY
No matter.
Shtretch (or Shlong) apparently partied it up with the girls last night while we slept. I don’t know which of them wore my thongs when they settled in for the night. But, I have pictorial evidence someone was a naughty boy.
Worse.
The kids saw more action that I did.
Heavy sigh.
YIKES! I’m on a time limit. Post within an hour or die trying, Sherry said.
I know I’m supposed to close with prompts that invite comments, but my brain is stuck.
STUCK, I tell you!
What do I ask? Have you worn thongs? Do you have a writing mascot? Are you fond of embarrassing yourself and your friends in public? Do you know how to spell the long pig’s name (Is is “sh” or “sch?”) Have you ever taken an open-ended free-to-be-me road trip.
One with a return date that is “you’ll know when I know?” It’s a blast! Have fun. Until later…
Gotta run, guys. Thanks for the visit!
Carole St-Laurent said:
The next post better be about wearing the thong, especially when you take off your make-up, or do your hair. 😉 I want the all the schlong details.
Gloria Richard Author said:
Carole! We miss you! It’s early morning in cottage country. Sherry’s still snoozing, but I have a perfect spot in the lobby area: view of the lake, comfy chairs. There’s even a bench for napping — er — meditating about my next scenes.
I have to launder my thongs again. Dang Schlong. There’s no telling where he’d been before he stole those things from one of my other writing mascots.
The saga of The Hats continues, btw. I found another one at Niagara-on-the-Lake. Woot! I may try to cross the border wearing all of them.
BC said:
Brain hurts.
Answers – yes.yes.no.yes.no.yes
Enjoy!
Gloria Richard Author said:
Bill, I am far too lazy to scroll back up to see which questions got the nod and which got the no-freaking-way denial.
I’m taking a wild guess you have never worn (nor intend to wear) a thong.
These road trips ROCK! Your free spirit so deserves to take one someday.
Natalie Hartford said:
First, I think it’s Schlong but for no particular earth-shattering ruled reason. I just like it better is all. LOL!
Sounds like you been having a good time in Toronto…not quite the rip roaring good time that Schlong and the girls had…but still a good time none the less.
Now…to answer your questions…hehehe…
Have you worn thongs?
I prefer bikini but yes, I’ve worn thongs. They aren’t my fav but hubby likes them and in certain situations, they are called for.
Do you have a writing mascot?
Nope…but I should!
Are you fond on embarrassing yourself and your friends in public?
HELL YES!!!
Have you ever taken an open-ended free-to-be-me road trip?
Nope – I like planning too much to do open-ended although in principal, sounds WONDERFUL!! ENJOY!!!
Gloria Richard Author said:
Woot! Natalie! We’re in cottage country. Mere hours away from you. Come on over and have lunch with us.
Your answers? None surprised me. Except for the “planning” thing. You and blog heckler hubby spontaneously ignite in rip-roaring
raunchconversations in public that aren’t planned. Come over to the wild side!See you soon. Let me know if you’ll be here in time for high tea. I have HATS!
Cara Olsen said:
Oh, my goodness, Gloria! I was cracking up throughout this entire post. You make me laugh!
First of all, look how cute you are! I don’t think I have ever seen a full body shot of you, skinny-mini. I do love that skirt, too, and how lucky you are to be surrounded by such wonderful and honest women.
I love how you got us to the thong. I followed all you’re digressing, which really wasn’t digressing at al, but very necessary back-story. I giggled in bed remembering that line from MBFGW. “Ees okay. I make lamb.” Makes me want to rent it, to be honest.
I have only one question: how does it feel to officially be a member of the thong society? 😉
Xoxo,
C
Gloria Richard Author said:
Cara, *blush* on your compliments. Thank you. NOTE TO SELF: Send dozens of roses to you.
If you followed my flash forwards, flashbacks, and flash sideways posts, your brain is every bit as wonky as mine. You’re just more lyrical with your writing voice.
It feels a bit naughty to be a member of the thong society. This, from the person who posted a picture of them on line? Yes.
xo back atcha! G
Megan Mitcham said:
Hilarious! Were you the class clown? I ask because through your blogging I can certainly see the red nose, curly orange hair and boat-sized shoes. I’m going to wipe my laughing tears now. Good day to you and your nickers.
Gloria Richard Author said:
The class clown? Moi?
I was a model student, Megan. Or, so my teachers thought.
Well — all but history class. The teacher whizzed erasers past my head more than once to bring my brain and attention back to the classroom.
It’s the boat-sized shoes that tripped me up. I’m a klutz in shoes that fit.
For the record, it is not my fault creative sneakiness became part of my repertoire at an early age. Oh, how I hated Mom’s fave: “It isn’t necessary….”
Jessica Aspen said:
I’m with Cara, that is one cute picture Miss Gloria! Now on to the thongs. OMG! You posted your panties online!!!! You are way braver than me. But I think I knew that anyway. Glad you all are having fun up there!
Gloria Richard Author said:
Jessica! Hey, girl, I’ve read your book. Puh-leeze don’t come over to my glob pretending public disclosure of knickers is brave.
[Just between us? The scenes in my book are getting a bit steamier than I’d planned. I may go with a pen name after all.]
It’s official. I have few boundaries — especially when THAT SHERRY ISAAC WOMAN wants to leave for the shops NOW!
No. I have no clue why knickers and thongs and schlongs were the first topic that came to mind. Do I need a reason?
Sharon Clare said:
Personally I’m not a fan of having a strip of fabric err there, so I’m not a thong fan. To echo Jessica, also very brave calling your pig schlong. Sounds like you’ve been having much fun, Gloria.
I am definitely taking an ‘I don’t know when I will return’ road trip one day soon! Great idea.
Gloria Richard Author said:
Hey, Sharon! Your pic is going up on my next glob post.
Is that causing the flip-file in your memory bank to scroll through what I might have in my photo file? If yes, good. It was my intent.
Take that trip! I highly recommend it.
Hubby’s direct routing from Toronto to Dallas hit a trash bin the third time he told me it was a 100 degree plus day again in the DFW area.
And, yet, he’s still flummoxed by my “you’ll know when I know” response to his “when will you be home” query. Go figure.
Ciara Knight said:
I was laughing hysterically while reading this. You scared me when you said you weren’t the first to wear them. Yikes. Okay, I guess it is okay if the mascot wore them first. 🙂
Gloria Richard Author said:
Thanks for the visit and the comment, Ciara. I’ll be over to your B-L-O-G today to discover the date for your book launch and sign up for that winky-link-dink thing.
Oh. For the record? My intent was to cause an ewwwww initial response on the previously worn knicker-thongs. You so get me. But, fear not! It’s fun on the wonky side.
Ciara Knight said:
Thanks so much, Gloria!
Nigel Blackwell said:
I’m going to leave to guessing on the thong question … 🙂 However, if I have a writing mascot it’d look suspiciously like a waste paper basket!
Cheers!
Gloria Richard Author said:
Since you chose to leave me guessing on the thong question, Nigel…
Nope. Nope. Nope.
I can’t write the words for the raunch-infused response that hit my noggin when I guessed.
A waste basket as a writing mascot?
NOTE TO SELF: Search for a Nigel-like writing mascot during my travels. I’ll deliver it the next time I see you at a writer’s meeting.
patriciasands said:
Gloooria! It was such amazing fun to finally meet you in full technicolour person at Sherry’s bbq along with the rest of that awesome gathering of women! Hopefully you and Carole are already planning a return trip. I’ll be sending you a photo of you and “THE” hat asap!
Gloria Richard Author said:
Patricia! I feel as if we’ve known each other forever, now! The BBQ was SO much fun. And, yes — hurry — I need the picture of The Hat. The “Before” picture.
I plan to take her in to the local florist here in Roaring Springs, PA next week. The conversation will begin with, “Assume for a second you are speaking with a sane person. How would you recommend I…”
Agatha needs a new bow if she’s to catch a beau while I’m writing the steamy scenes.
Jenny Hansen said:
BEN-Wahahahaha! You slayed me with this stellar addition to the National Underwear Day Panty Blog Parade. I’m with the gals above – I want to hear about WEARING them. 🙂
Gloria Richard Author said:
BEN-WAhahahaha, indeed, Jenny!
Thanks for hosting National Undies Week and the Undie Chronicles.Too much fun!
I don’t I suppose I should try the BEN-WAhahaha and Thongs on the same day. I fear it might create confusing
stimulationsensationser, never mind…Besides, I fear having a problem opposite of what staid and proper Natalie Hartford experienced.
[Ker-plunk!]