An important word missed inclusion by the Knight of the Realm of Word-dom, His Royal Authority, Dick Shunairy. That word is Dontopedalogy.
Here’s how this Glob article plans to organize the wisdom contained herein.
NOTE TO SELF: Wrap a definition around Glob v Blog, so Gloria Richard Writes will have a tangible, achievable goal.
Whoop! I wander off topic. Back to the article content:
- Origin of Dontopedalogy
- Quotes credited to the creator of the word
- Top ten reasons I aced Dontopedalogy during a Corporate America Happy Hour field trip
- The OMG! gaffe that earned a gold star on my essay exam
Okay, class, please pick up your iPads, iPods, iPadookas and bring your eyes along for a ride.
During a recent visit to the *library* I found the February, 2012 issue of Reader’s Digest more entertaining than the ingredients list on the back of Bath & Body Works’ Lime Verbena Hand Soap.
I found a snort-on-a-page at 188, A ROYAL BLUNDERER.
ORIGIN OF DONTOPEDALOGY
Following is the excerpt provided by Reader’s Digest on the origin of our word today.
According to England’s Prince Philip, “Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years.”
QUOTES CREDITED TO PRINCE PHILIP (creator of the word)
These samples (again provided by Reader’s Digest) prove his point:
To a driving instructor in Scotland: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?”
To the Nigerian President, dressed in traditional robes: “You look like you’re ready for bed!”
To a blind woman with a guide dog: “Do you know they’re now producing eating dogs for anorexics?”
To Australian Aborigines: “Do you still throw spears at each other?”
Said on a visit to Canada: “We don’t come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.”
Okay, those are bad, right? Inquiring minds want to know what “other ways of enjoying ourselves” he references, but…
That’s a topic for a more risqué glob.
As stated earlier, I believe I ACED finals in this Science during a Corporate America Happy Hour field trip. But, I have my
I blundered. Big Time. Okay?
TOP TEN REASONS I ACED DONTOPEDALOGY FINALS
TEN: I held a glass of wine in my hand at the time.
NINE: The hole in the bottom of said glass left a mere swig remaining.
EIGHT: My IQ moves in inverse proportion to my (1) adrenaline level, and (2) alcohol consumption.
SEVEN: It was not the first glass of wine that found its way to my hand that evening.
SIX: It was a field test for the cliché-alert phrase: Imitation is the sincerest form of compliment.
FIVE: The song on my car radio en route to the Field Test played a catchy, repetitive refrain. Let’s pretend it was La Bamba. Okay? Good.
FOUR: The chilled room caused my teeth to chatter.
THREE: My horoscope (Scorpio) said it would be a day of many Fs. Yeah, I know. I scratched my head over that one, too.
TWO: The cadence of the conversation caught my fancy, and who doesn’t fancy good cadence?
And, the Number One Reason I ACED Dontopedalogy Finals is…
ONE: I had a brain
fart gaseous expulsion.
Before we move on to revelation of this epic blunder, please try to understand that it was not my best moment, but…
Simply a blunder. No foul play, or intentional mimicking, or making fun at ALL.
MY EPIC BLUNDER REVEALED
The top ten reasons likely gave you a sense of where this happened. Yes, it was a Happy Hour reception for major clients visiting from out-of-town.
One of my FAVORITE clients (seriously), who was (shame-on-me) easy on the eyes, approached me to say hello. This client—we’ll call him Ralph—had a minor speech impediment. He stuttered at times. NO! I do not mock those who stutter.
Ralph: “G-g-g-g-gloria! How are you?”
Me: “F-f-f-f-fine, Ralph! How are you?”
I do not recall any portion of the ensuing conversation. I do recall thinking, “OMG! Where did that come from?” I also recall thinking, “Just keep talking. Pretend it never happened. And, whatever you say, don’t stutter.”
I am relieved to report that he continued to be a good friend and faithful customer for many years after The Grand Gaffe.
I am also relieved to report that I no longer practice IQ impairment through wine consumption. My study on that is complete.
SLINKING AWAY TO AWAIT COMMENTS
It’s lonely here in the Dontopedalogy Department. I know some of you sit there with your secret blunders thinking, “dare I tell?” The answer to that is, of course, yes. Drop by the lab today and join me as we celebrate the gaffes in life we survived to tell.
I need a good snort or two today. “Snort” as in uncontrolled sudden intact of air, people!
If you have never committed an Epic Blunder, I’ll lend you one of mine. Yes, there are more. If you prefer to be discreet and keep your blunders to yourself,
drat! just say “hi.”
To show my COMMENT GLEE, if we surpass a super-secret number of comments, I will post another gaffe from my past in a future article titled Pride in a Puddle.